After a long absence from my blog (and much of my social
life), I’ve cautiously decided to reweave myself into the tangle of the
Internet. I understand that social networking is not exactly an accurate
reflection of the life you or I live or the people we are, however I’m hesitant
because I enjoy the relatively private, almost-mysterious life that has
unintentionally been built as a result of my distance. Nevertheless, I’ve grown
tired of uncomfortable conversations and the inadvertent dishonesty caused by the
omission of my disclosure.
First, I’d like to prelude my post with the following: never,
at any point, has it been unbearable to live the life I live. I have been
exceedingly fortunate to have the family I have, to have the friends I’m
involved with, and to have the job I work. I’m not looking for sorrow or pity
because, however pompous it may sound, I have not experienced anything
deserving of anyone’s sympathy.
Also, maybe I should preface the prelude by explaining that
if you’ve interacted with me on a personal level any time during the past two
years, you already know the message I need to convey, except for maybe a few
small tidbits. And if you haven’t interacted with me on a personal level during
the past two years or don’t know the message I need to convey, much like every
blog I’ve written in the past, you probably won’t care all that much. Which is
fine and expected.
I’m gay. I came out of the closet to my parents about two
years and began the process of coming out to my friends about a week after. I
say “process,” not because it has been particularly difficult, but because I
wanted to tell those closest to me individually, so that they wouldn’t have to
hear it from someone else or have to read it unexpectedly on a public blog
post… Umm… Sorry if I didn’t get to you before this has. One thing I never
anticipated and have begun to resent is the anxiety associated with “coming
out” on a regular basis.
Fortunately, this process has been incredibly rewarding! It
has cleared my conscious, increased my confidence, reinforced the love and support
that was already there, allowed me to meet and develop a relationship with a
boy who I am quite fond of, and has attached me to a family that adore.
However, I realize that not every “coming out” story is as pleasant or
opportune as mine, and after a few years of reflection, I can't help but feel
that the people in my life are exceedingly extraordinary. Also, I can’t help
but feel like my ideal situation is something that has supplied me with an
opportunity to be a source of support to anyone else who feels burdened by the
contradiction of who they are versus who they ought to be.
The only bad days I have are the days that I am reminded
that I am living a nonconventional lifestyle.
Some days it’s difficult to recognize that I’m twenty-five years old,
and if I deiced to enter into an honest marriage, I’d have to move my life a
minimum of 900 miles away, or that I cannot even walk next to my boyfriend of
two years without getting a few glares here and there. I’m not trying to
convince anyone of anything, I’m just offering my perspective. And although
I’ve been called a “faggot” in the parking lot of a mall, I also have a hundred
friends who would nobly defend me in any situation.
So, I guess after a long, two-year process, this is the
conclusion of my “coming out” story. If you have any questions or concerns, I’m
happy to help. If you have contradicting opinions, I invite you to keep them-
I’m not out to change anyone’s mind, but I’m pleased to share my insight, if
you’d have it. You’re a human being, just like me, and I probably love you.
