Livin' Life

After a long absence from my blog (and much of my social life), I’ve cautiously decided to reweave myself into the tangle of the Internet. I understand that social networking is not exactly an accurate reflection of the life you or I live or the people we are, however I’m hesitant because I enjoy the relatively private, almost-mysterious life that has unintentionally been built as a result of my distance. Nevertheless, I’ve grown tired of uncomfortable conversations and the inadvertent dishonesty caused by the omission of my disclosure.

First, I’d like to prelude my post with the following: never, at any point, has it been unbearable to live the life I live. I have been exceedingly fortunate to have the family I have, to have the friends I’m involved with, and to have the job I work. I’m not looking for sorrow or pity because, however pompous it may sound, I have not experienced anything deserving of anyone’s sympathy.

Also, maybe I should preface the prelude by explaining that if you’ve interacted with me on a personal level any time during the past two years, you already know the message I need to convey, except for maybe a few small tidbits. And if you haven’t interacted with me on a personal level during the past two years or don’t know the message I need to convey, much like every blog I’ve written in the past, you probably won’t care all that much. Which is fine and expected.

I’m gay. I came out of the closet to my parents about two years and began the process of coming out to my friends about a week after. I say “process,” not because it has been particularly difficult, but because I wanted to tell those closest to me individually, so that they wouldn’t have to hear it from someone else or have to read it unexpectedly on a public blog post… Umm… Sorry if I didn’t get to you before this has. One thing I never anticipated and have begun to resent is the anxiety associated with “coming out” on a regular basis.

Fortunately, this process has been incredibly rewarding! It has cleared my conscious, increased my confidence, reinforced the love and support that was already there, allowed me to meet and develop a relationship with a boy who I am quite fond of, and has attached me to a family that adore. However, I realize that not every “coming out” story is as pleasant or opportune as mine, and after a few years of reflection, I can't help but feel that the people in my life are exceedingly extraordinary. Also, I can’t help but feel like my ideal situation is something that has supplied me with an opportunity to be a source of support to anyone else who feels burdened by the contradiction of who they are versus who they ought to be.

The only bad days I have are the days that I am reminded that I am living a nonconventional lifestyle.  Some days it’s difficult to recognize that I’m twenty-five years old, and if I deiced to enter into an honest marriage, I’d have to move my life a minimum of 900 miles away, or that I cannot even walk next to my boyfriend of two years without getting a few glares here and there. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything, I’m just offering my perspective. And although I’ve been called a “faggot” in the parking lot of a mall, I also have a hundred friends who would nobly defend me in any situation.

So, I guess after a long, two-year process, this is the conclusion of my “coming out” story. If you have any questions or concerns, I’m happy to help. If you have contradicting opinions, I invite you to keep them- I’m not out to change anyone’s mind, but I’m pleased to share my insight, if you’d have it. You’re a human being, just like me, and I probably love you.